I don’t have to tell you when I was exactly born
But since then, many have befriended me (and have won)
People have called me names, some indeed very funny
Socks, sheath, CD, rubber… and Johnny.
Condom is my real name though I mind not the rest
You can refer to me by that which you think is best
But if you’re that outgoing (and you know what I mean)
Do not leave me behind, always count me in.
What did you say bishop, you think it’s all fantasy?
Sure you do but not everyone took a vow of celibacy!
Did you speak khadhi? Maybe your eyes are closed
For in the dark, behind your back, the faithfuls do the unsupposed.
It is your choice to take me along, I am not a joy rider
But by underrating my power you wouldn’t be any wiser
Would you go ice-skating without protective clothes?
Or handle hot iron rods without the welder’s gloves?
If you cannot stomach me, please be like a truthful priest
Say no to sex, be steadfast, and all its urges resist
Or be continent like the bishop, or faithful like the khadhi
Only then can you keep off AIDS, the deadliest maradhi.
To all my regular friends here is some advice
For there are things you do that I indeed despise
Do not hide me in your wallets, at times it gets too hot
At such moments I have to pant before you can shout mort.
I hate when it my skin is scratched, or when it gets too dry
It hurts so much that I open up to cry
When I am that sick and mad I cease to be of good use
Then you are on your own, for all my powers I lose!
If I become shrivelled do your best to get me wet
For if I yawn or gasp, that may seal your fate
Unlike your skin mine will be charred by petroleum jelly
I prefer non-oil lubricants, like the K-Y Jelly.
If you cannot tolerate me then accept abstinence
Else, you’ll depart and people will be mourning your eternal absence
They will be consoling each other by sending condolences
All because you could not trust me and risked it condomless
All because of your carelessness, your condomlessness!